Make Single Great Again: How the United States Is Breaking Free from Ungrateful Relationships
Once upon a time, the United States was the dashing young bachelor of the global neighborhood—charismatic, wealthy, and always ready to save the day (World Wars I and II, anyone?). But over the decades, he both got and found himself entangled in a series of demanding relationships with other nations and international organizations. These "partners" often seemed to take more than they gave, leaving him drained and questioning his choices.
Now, he’s standing tall, declaring, “I’m single again!”—an unapologetic anthem for reclaiming independence. Let’s dive into this humorous analogy to explore America’s global relationships.
NATO: The Overly Expensive Partner
NATO is like that high-maintenance partner who always asks for “just a little bit more.” For years, she relied on the U.S. to pick up the tab for security while her other suitors (NATO members) barely contributed their fair share. Case in point: while NATO countries were supposed to spend 2% of their GDP on defense, many fell short. Meanwhile, the U.S. poured $822 billion into defense in 2022—nearly double what the next 14 nations combined managed to spend.
Now, the U.S. is finally putting his foot down: “You want protection? Start paying your half!” It’s like telling the her, “We’re splitting the check from now on.”
The Paris Climate Accord: The Hippie Roommate
The Paris Climate Accord is that artsy roommate who talks endlessly about sustainability but never seems to follow through. Sure, the U.S. agreed to cut emissions and fund green initiatives, but countries like China—the messy neighbor—kept polluting unchecked.
Eventually, the U.S. decided it had had enough: “Why am I cleaning up after you when you’re still trashing the place?” And with that, he moved out of the apartment (or accord) and left everyone else to figure out how to clean up their mess.
China: The Toxic Partner
China is that sly partner who pretends to be cooperative but constantly undermines you behind your back. She says she’s helping out with chores but secretly rearranges your furniture just to trip you up. From trade imbalances to intellectual property theft (costing the U.S. $225–$600 billion annually), she’s been playing a long game of manipulation.
The U.S., however, has caught on: “Keep your cheap toys and TikToks—I’m not falling for it anymore.” And when China floated a “friendly” surveillance balloon over U.S. airspace in 2023? The U.S. shot it down without hesitation: “You don’t get to stalk me!”
Mexico: The Girl Next Door
Mexico is like the cute but complicated neighbor who makes great tacos on Friday nights but comes with a lot of baggage—namely border drama. With over 2 million migrants crossing into the U.S. in 2022 alone, tensions have been high.
The U.S., exasperated, has been shouting over the fence: “Girl, fix your side of things before I have to do it myself!”
The European Union: The Gold-Digger
The European Union is that ex-wife who keeps asking for alimony long after the divorce papers were signed. Whether it’s trade deals or geopolitical support, she expects the U.S. to keep her lifestyle afloat while she cozies up to China (hello, Belt and Road Initiative).
“That’s it,” says the U.S., throwing up his hands in frustration. “Keep your euro drama—I’m out.”
Japan: The Old Flame Who Made Peace
Not all relationships end badly. Japan is like an old flame who turned into a solid friend over time. Despite their rocky history (looking at you, Hiroshima and Nagasaki), they’ve patched things up and now share one of the strongest alliances in Asia. Proof that even messy breakups can lead to meaningful partnerships down the road.
In this grand analogy, the United States represents men who’ve grown tired of one-sided relationships and are reclaiming their independence. Like a man stepping back from toxic entanglements, America is saying: “I’m not your sugar daddy, your maid, or your babysitter anymore. You want 50/50? Prove it.”
But here’s where it gets tricky—just like men in real life, staying single forever isn’t always practical or desirable. Alliances may benefit for survival and success in a complex world. I
Teamwork makes the American Dream work?