The Ambiguously Vague Finance Bro's
The Ultimate Escape Hatch
“Markets are unpredictable”
Translation: Please stop asking about results.
Time-Deferring Language
“Long term”
“Over a full cycle”
“Patient capital”
“Give it time”
“Early innings”
“Near-term volatility”
“Short-term noise”
“Eventually”
“Plays out over time”
Translation: I don’t know when this resolves, and I don’t want to be judged yet.
Probability Camouflage
“High conviction”
“Asymmetric upside”
“Favorable risk/reward”
“Skewed outcomes”
“Non-zero probability”
“Fat tail exposure”
“Base case / bull case / bear case”
Translation: Any outcome can be justified after the fact.
Narrative Insulation
“The market is irrational”
“The market got it wrong”
“Price dislocation”
“Temporary mispricing”
“Sentiment-driven”
“Technicals overwhelmed fundamentals”
Translation: Reality disagreed, so we blame perception.
Accountability Avoidance
“We were early”
“Right thesis, wrong timing”
“Unforeseen exogenous shock”
“Macro headwinds”
“Policy uncertainty”
“Black swan”
Translation: I was wrong, but not really.
Scale & Authority Substitution
“Institutional quality”
“Blue-chip exposure”
“Best-in-class management”
“World-class team”
“Premium multiple deserved”
“Strategic allocation”
Translation: Trust us — someone important agrees.
Diversification as Philosophy
“Balanced exposure”
“Well-diversified portfolio”
“Risk spread across assets”
“Hedged appropriately”
“Position sizing mitigates downside”
Translation: We reduced the pain, not the error.
Precision Theater
“Target range”
“Price band”
“Valuation corridor”
“Fair value zone”
“Re-rating potential”
Translation: Looks exact. Means nothing.
Moral Framing
“Disciplined process”
“Staying true to our framework”
“We don’t chase”
“We remain constructive”
“We’re comfortable here”
Translation: Comfort has replaced correctness.